Chapter 24

Chapter 24: Before and After

In September, Lottie came swaggering through Emporia, supposedly loaded with gambling proceeds and finally having accomplished her goals. She had been successful at the tables in St. Louis, and found several girls who agreed to come to Texas. Dressed like a French fashion plate, she gave every impression of beauty and vitality. When Alvin finally told her about Billy, she shocked and crushed him with her answer:

“Well... that suits him. He never could do what I asked him to. He always had a mind of his own. I guess it really cost him this time!”

“Gosh Lottie- he was your husband.” Alvin countered as he tried to soften her soul a little.

“It was over a loooong time... ago. You saw how he treated me! YOU saved me from him beating me to death. All over a damned piece of paper. Well I guess we are finally divorced. I can't say I'm sad about it- in my book he was a monster.”

“Well, anyway, Billy died a true hero, in any person's book, except maybe yours.” Alvin argued.

“Yeah, I know... they say 'To forgive is Divine.' Well they never... oh forget it. That's why I could never be a Christian. Alvin, you're always trying to get me in serious conversations! Let's go out on the town! I'm payin'- What do they do in this town worth doin'?”

“They work hard, and make homes- and make babies... and then they go work some more.”

“LORD! Well... I can do one of those. I think. Do they ever EAT? Let me buy you and Sim a couple of big juicy steaks, surely they have a decent steak in this town. Then we can talk about those other things: that I will never do.” Lottie could barely finish the sentence, she was giggling so hard.

Sim listened and looked on with eager anticipation. Grilled steaks sounded good to him.

“We can do that...” Alvin said with melancholy, “I don't know why or how we have remained friends Lottie, you're like a bad big sister who constantly stretches my brain, but somehow we seem to always cross paths. So I guess I'll let you feed us. I guess I'd rather have that as a memory than this last conversation. But I swear I don't know why I stand for it.” They moved towards the door, and suddenly Lottie stopped and turned towards Alvin and put her fingers into his chest.

“It's because, Alvin, in another life, unlike “Pauline Perfectionist,” I would have married you and had those babies- and made that home... and worked my fingers to the bone. And you would have too, and we might have been happy, but I doubt it,” She giggled, “the way some of the plain people are happy, in that other life- the one that could never be.”

Alvin looked at her with amazement, and had no reply. She was right and yet she was dead wrong. “And,” she finished, “It's because I love you more than anything I love, more than Johnny for sure, or Billy, God rest his soul, if he had one, or any damn thing; That I would never let you fall in with me- and ruin your life!

“Alvin, don't you know? You are a blessing, to me- and many people. As long as I have known you. And maybe even sent from God, if that is what people want to believe. And if I can keep my distance- you will always be that blessing. And that is my contribution to mankind...” Lottie's voice cracked, but it did not break down. Still, Alvin was sure he saw an extra shine in her eyes- a single tear which had escaped her resolute face. He wondered how many Johnnys and Billys she would run through before she ever let one of them into her iron exterior. All he knew was he was probably the only human being who had ever seen her softer underside. And he was grateful that she had kept her distance.

How long could a man and a woman, who acknowledged their love for one another, avoid each other? Could either of them ever love anyone else as much? It was a life and a love that could never be, and yet it would haunt him all of his life.

“Lets go eat.” Sim said as he walked past the two lovers who would never love, afraid they might stay and discuss the void even deeper. “I'll get the Morgans hitched.”

Alvin grabbed Lottie's hand, wanting to say something, but there was so much swimming around in his head. “From now on, I'm just going to call you “Sister”... maybe that will help out in the future. But you are right. In another life, we would have been happy, Lottie. If I had only met you before.”

“Good... so don't get mad when I check up on you from time to time- “Brother”, you are my only family now, my only connection to...”

“The 'plain people,' I think you called them.”

“Yes... the plain people. And... God. Maybe God gave me a plain brother to try to lure me into a plain life, I don't know...”

Alvin sensed that Lottie was crying inside for a change in her life, but trusted no one to suggest it, much less to instigate it. “I know he did..." He agreed. "But I think its going to take a troop of 'em,” was all he could say.

“Well, if he did, y'all are all gonna have to make it happen in Texas!”

Sim drove the buckboard Alvin had purchased for him, and pulled up to the boarding house as if he were a chauffeur. Alvin helped Lottie into the wagon seat and he hopped in the back. He was glad to let Sim work on Lottie for awhile. The woman could burn a man like a candle from both ends, and she wore him out.

“So, Sim, when are you and Hummingbird going to get married?” Lottie unknowingly hit Sim right in the heart, and left him breathless. “C'mon, we've all seen how you two look at each other. I was your age when I... well, when I left home. You ain't ashamed are you? Not because she's an Indian!”

Sim just shook his head, unable to find words. The truth was, just the thought of Hummingbird made his head explode. “Naw, I ain't ashamed...”

“Then take this advice from a... a woman of the world. If you two love each other, and I don't mean sex and all that. Anybody, believe me, any two people can have sex. But if you love this little girl, this Delaware Princess? Alvin! Are you listening? You know this girl Sim is all gawky over is a Delaware Princess? Her daddy is a genuine Delaware King. He is! He's got four wives- and twelve children- and he is General Miles'es favorite scout. Anyway, Sim listen to me, you are young, and you can't appreciate what I am telling you I know, but you will some day, and Sim, there is no happier people on earth than two people who have found true love and can live together for the rest of their lives, rich or poor, red or white. And not that there are not other kinds of happiness, but in my book, if you have found that person, don't let her slip, away. Not for anything. Or any one! Not even ol' Alvin back there. It will be the biggest mistake of your life. It only comes once, if at all, in this life. Do ya hear me?”

“I hear ya, Miss Lottie. But she's gone back to Texas, an it's a long ways from here.”

“Well I'm headed down there now! I tell you what, I'll hog-tie 'er and box 'er up and send 'er up to ya! How's that sound?” Lottie gigged Sim in the ribs, and feeling a solid man, she forgot his age and naturally put her hands on them and played them like a harp.

“Or better yet, you could go with me to Texas, right now! We could hog-tie her together!” Sim elbowed her hands from his side, uncomfortable with her familiarity. Lottie laughed loud and then giggled at that thought the rest of the way to the restaurant. Alvin just watched and listened, knowing he would have to untangle all the knots she had just tied in poor, lovesick Sim's belly. But he meant to scold her later about flirting with Sim, who had managed to stay uncorrupted so far. As Sim tethered the team and Alvin helped Lottie down, he decided to share some important news.

“I wasn't gonna tell Sim until I heard more, but we may be headed to Texas ourselves. So you best not take him with you. I'll be needin' him.”

“What?” Sim said with alarm, and some budding enthusiasm.

“Well... it seeeeems... that our doings here in Kansas have made a ripple in the world. The Pinkertons have been distracted with other things lately, and we have been contacted to consider a similar operation like the one we just did in Dodge, down near San Antonio.”

“San Antonio! Alvin! That's wonderful! Have they got rustlers in San Antonio too?” Lottie was thrilled to hear they were at least headed in the same direction.

“Apparently. And I think even more of 'em.”

“So who did you hear from, and how come you didn' tell me?” Sim said with some indignation.

“Sim, it has all happened so fast, and in just the past few days. I got a letter tellin' me to report to a Dallas Marshal, if I was interested, no later than March, next spring. That gives us just enough time to get our wagon ready and say some good-byes and get down there. I was about to send 'em a letter.”

“Good byes?” Sim asked incredulously. “Who we got to say good-bye to?”

“Well, I guess this is as good a time as any. Lottie can be happy for ya too, I got another letter as well, Sim- yesterday. You'll be leavin' directly I suppose. Your father and brother heard about you in Dodge and found out where we were. They want you to come meet with 'em.”

“MY PAPA?” Sim came apart, tears sloshing from his face as he grabbed Alvin and Lottie hugged him, and they all embraced with a tearful celebration. “MY BROTHER! I thought that I would never see...”

“I know, but by the GRACE OF GOD,” said Alvin as he looked at Lottie, “things sometimes get worked out. If we give 'em time.” Sim held them both and shook them with amazing power, unable to express his happiness without shaking something.

“I was waiting to tell you after Lottie left, but I was afraid you would get up an' go with her!” They all laughed at the timing. And Sim and Lottie now understood why, at least for now, Hummingbird would have to wait. “Sim, I'm sure they will tell you all about it, but they have quite a story to tell. They've been up in the Dakota Territory, locating wells, chased by Sioux Indians, they say they found places where gold is just laying around on top of the ground.” Sim's eyes grew larger and larger, and so did his tears.

The steaks tasted extra good that evening, as the three had a final meal together for a long time. Lottie began to tear up when she was dropped off at her hotel. Then when she stepped down, she turned her ankle, and Alvin had to help her to the lobby to sit down. When Lottie sat, she suddenly grabbed Alvin by his bandanna and pulled him close.

“Since you gave me that shit about bein' your sister, I guess you think you got ahead of me...”

“What?”

Lottie pulled out several one hundred dollar bills, and stuffed them in Alvin's vest pocket. Crying, she managed to get out her orders. “Don't argue with me. This money is mine an' it was hard-earned. You buy that boy some clothes, and you send him to see his family, and then you git him back here and you bring him to Texas.” Then Lottie's voice cracked and it changed completely, into the sweetness of a little girl; but the tenderness of a little girl whose innocence and hopes had been crushed over a decade ago. “And let's take him to see Hummingbird.” she wept, “and give him the happiness we may never know!” Then she cried and could not stop; the outpouring of a miserable soul giving to someone else what she would never have.

“OK Lottie...” Like most men, Alvin always got agreeable when women cry. Lottie quickly recovered, and grabbed his chest again.

“Do ya hear me Alvin? You are a man. You can't hear. But you take that money an' do for him what... my people never did for me. Ya understand? And get outta hear before I blubber anymore. And you do it... or I will come back here and marry you if I have to, to see it done.”

“I'll do it.” Alvin affirmed with alarm. “You know Lottie, you try real hard, but sometimes you can't hide that soul of yours. It's a good one, and Sim'll be most grateful for your kindness. I know I am. How's the ankle feelin'?”

“My ankle? Oh, my Aaaankle... it wasn't that bad. You know- a whore has to have a way out sometimes.” She stood and walked up the stairs of the hotel quite gracefully, with no apparent limp. Alvin watched her until her well-shod feet disappeared up the stairs.

He joined Sim waiting on the buckboard, and sighed deeply. Before Sim could slap the reins, Alvin grabbed him and stuffed the wad of bills from Lottie into his shirt pocket. “You might as well keep it... you're a man now. That's from Lottie... she wants you to have enough to buy some nice clothes and go see your family. But save some so we can afford to feed you on the way down to Texas.”

“Are you kiddin' me?” Sim felt around inside his pocket. “How much is it?”

“Well, it ain't enough for a college education, but it is enough to say, Lottie cares about us- a whole bunch.”

“She is crazy...”

“That Sim, is an understatement. And just when I am ready to disown her, for good, really, a few minutes ago, I never wanted to speak to her again, and then she pulls a stunt like this. Reminds me of something my grandma used to say... that “There is so much good in the worst of us, and so much bad in the best of us... that it little behooves any of us to say anything about the rest of us...”

Incredulous, Sim just shook it all off. “Well... I'm not saying anything else, but good or bad, she is crazy.” He was still rubbing his ribs. Something had happened to him but he wasn't sure what it was.

“Yeah Sim, like most women I've observed, she's crazy about you. And I'll be damned if I'll ever understand why.” He lifted up Sim's hat and messed up his hair, and Sim fixed his hat back like it ought to be, with a special tilt he had taken a liking to.

“You're an idiot sometimes, Alvin. It's you they love, and they know they can't have ya, so they treat me nice. They do the things for me that they would like to do for you- if they could. If you would accept it. But they know you can't refuse a kindness towards a poor little orphan kid.”

“Who's not an orphan anymore!” Alvin said as he picked up his hat again, and messed up his hair one... last... time. Sim grabbed his arm patiently with a strong arm, and pushed it away. “You're gettin' pretty damn smart now that you're all grown up. I reckon we'll have to start makin' you wear a tie and coat. Won't be long until you'll be shaving.” Alvin gave Sim a loving, teasing look, something more like a father would give to his son.

“And I'm gonna have to find me another orphan!”