Chapter 17: Changes of Heart
Father Swineberg was quite pleased to meet Wild Bill Hickok at Kelley's, but he had met many important people during his life, and so he was able to keep things casual and treated him as an equal. This gave the two men and actually the whole room a sense of calm, as they bantered back and forth. What had brought Hickok and Cody so far from their lives as a celebrities in the East? What wisdom could be gleaned from a famous lawman with such haunting perspectives?
“The last I heard,” Father Swineberg probed, “you and Mr. Cody were performing to large crowds in New York, and that was just a few weeks ago...”
“Right. Weeeeeeell...” Hickok hesitated, “It kind of got crazy...” He confessed. “Let me tell you, the American Public is a damn ungrateful audience. They were taunting Bill, mocking me... one night I had enough of it and... I guess I should say, I got drunk first, anyway at the end of my act, I shot the lights out in the Big Top. Left the bastards in the pitch black!
Muffled chuckles emanated from the tables, as everyone eaves-dropped.
“Sure felt good. 'Course, they arrested me... They don't tolerate any gunplay back East. Bill bailed me out and got me out of town- and canceled the rest of the shows. I guess he figured the shooting was going to hurt ticket sales. Anyway, he had been stalling a request by this Duke from Russia, for months- but when New York started smelling like yesterday's fish, the Duke's offer suddenly sounded like just what we both needed.”
“So it's purely by unplanned circumstances...”
“I guess so, we are out here, and I'm glad to be... putting together a crew... buying supplies... getting what we will need to entertain this Russian and his hunting awntoooouraaaage...”
“Duke Alexis...” Swineberg added.
“Right. He wants to hunt buffalo before they are gone, wants to hunt a grizzly... an elk... one of every damn thing. Gonna stuff 'em and put 'em in his castle somewhere. So this talk of Indians is of interest to us too. No doubt the Duke will want some of that action. But we both thought our Indian fighting days were over.”
“I'm sure they are Mr. Hickok. I hope they are for everyone.”
“You're not another Injun lover I hope...” Hickok challenged. More and more people were starting to eavesdrop on their conversation after the toast. Suddenly everything Father Swineberg said was being broadcast across the room, and he became aware of it.
“I am a man of God, Mr. Hickok, why else would I be here at the end of civilization, chewing the fat with sinners and tax collectors? I love everyone... as Jesus Christ taught us to... as everyone should...”
“No disrespect intended Father, but I never learned much I needed in Sunday School. That turn-the-other-cheek stuff never made any sense! And the war stole all my innocence... and maybe my patience for nonsense. Once you kill another person, you figure you're probably going to hell anyway.”
“God has forgiven far greater things than anything you ever did James Hickok.”
“Maybe so Father, but he can't convince me to forgive myself... Father, I was a Union sniper during the war. The best one they had. You are looking at a man who assassinated hundreds of rebs during the war. Shot 'em like crows on a fence. And I'll bet most of those poor boys were Christians- better Christians than me, that's for damn sure. I quit counting at fifty. And that was the first year. I did my so-called patriotic duty, but I don't think me or God will forgive it.”
“The war,” Swineberg retorted, “I believe was self-inflicted punishment- the price our country paid for its centuries of sins and our institutional inhumanity. You were a soldier... an honorable citizen, following orders. It was and is your government who holds the responsibility for what it required you to do. Every American shares the blame. You should not see your service in that war, which resulted in the emancipation of many hundreds of thousands of people, as anything but the inevitable events in a history- over which God allows according to his purposes. If you are guilty of anything, we all share that with you.”
“Father, I appreciate what you are trying to say, but I am telling you, by the end of that war, I could kill a town full of woman and children without flinching. And I have seen it done to the Indians, whole villages wiped out by the army, without any regrets. There is nothing left of my soul to forgive. As far as God is concerned? I figure he's as much to blame as any of us for the whole damn mess.”
“My son... do you not think Saul of Tarsus had a rough time, after he was converted by Christ himself... having been the official persecutor of the Christians all over the Holy Land; sending hundreds to imprisonment, torture and death? Sin is nothing new, and you cannot impress or discourage a God who has been looking down on it, perhaps for many millions of years.”
“Sol? I never heard of him, but I doubt he had a long rifle that could knock the eye out of a reb from 300 yards.”
Then Father Swineberg decided to use the conversation between himself and Hickok as a teachable moment, for everyone listening to them.
“Everyone who is listening, and eavesdropping on our discussion...” He said with a coy smile, “please hear me out.” Swineberg began to hold his hands in the air, as if worshiping. “This may be the most important impromptu speech you will ever hear.”
He laughed and shifted in his chair, and looked around to see if they were listening. And they were. “With God, and I am thankful for this, there is no big sin, or tiny sin, where each has a number attached to it, and you add them up at the end of your life, and decide whether or not you were good or bad. Sin is sin. Just one, even a little one, is enough to send you into eternal separation from God. Our Creator who is Holy and perfect, and cannot abide with any amount. But like all creatures here on earth, sin, and sinfulness is our natural state! The history of humankind proves that- up to this very day. Even Mr. Hickok's testimony. All of us in this room is just as condemned by our sins- as he admits that he is by his. But Mr. Hickok recognizes his sin, so he is way ahead of the game. But that is not the end of the story.
“God has always provided a way to reconcile our innate sinfulness with him. First He provided a system of animal sacrifices for the Jews, You see, HE WANTS, has always wanted, since the garden of Eden, day to day fellowship with us... FOREVER! But He demands that we understand our sin- and symbolically compensate for it first. He has never required more than that. No actual bleeding like the Mormans teach, no 'first-born male child' or whatever...
“Later he sent Jesus, who, through treachery was killed- and yet his death was received as the one great compensation... established as the Eternal Substitute; a voluntary sacrifice by God to save all of us... Jews and Gentiles. If we want it. Simple Faith in that trade, which God himself provided, is tantamount to Salvation! Even for Mr. Hickok!
“Please understand- The first disciples... they were all flawed men like you and me, and Mr. Hickok here, fishermen, some of them cut-throats, one a hated tax collector, and when the government and the church joined together and killed him, those same followers ran and lied and denied they ever knew him. They were not educated, or holy men, at least not in the beginning. They were like you and me. They were afraid and sometimes foolish, and they often made mistakes, but they had found this path which God provided through Christ. It was made quite accessible for a purpose."
By now the whole restaurant was quiet. Even the prostitutes were listening, if not perturbed a little. Then Father Swineberg looked right at them and preached to them. “Ladies- some of you may have made mistakes, some have runaway from good, loving homes, because you resent being dominated, or perhaps you have been abused in some way... and you came here anxious for your own autonomy, and to make some money. Please hear me.
“Let me tell you what you are really in for: As priests, Catholic clergy often hear confessions, and over a lifetime, we collect a certain wisdom about all kinds of people, their potential and their failures, and yes their sins. At the foundation of most sin is impatience. Seeking shortcuts in life. You have heard the story of Adam and Eve, and the Tree... the serpent offered Eve the supposed opportunity- the one she was weak enough to yield to. She was impatient for knowledge, of Good and Evil, Every person has some weakness that Satan appeals to, something we are impatient for. For every person it is different. We want something; love or money or attention or POWER-something that we have not really earned. Or we want to stop a person who threatens us in some way- These irritations usually evolve into covetousness, stealing, lying, or bearing false witness, or even murder. There are millions of such desires- illegitimate desires for what might otherwise be legitimate things.
“And yours has brought you here. Your dissatisfaction and ambition and many of your desires are fired by impatience- You want it now. You think you have found it. Like Eve you take the forbidden fruit from the tree.
“You think you are here for fun and adventure and money. You imagine that you have found your key to prosperity, a windfall. But it is just a pitfall, And a pit of self-inflicted damnation. I can assure you ladies that 90% of the girls who follow a man into these parts, chasing after love, ends up left behind and brokenhearted, and those who are convinced to sell their bodies to make a grubstake are just being used, and they will eventually be thrown away like an old pair of shoes.
“This is what we see repeated over and over. Most of these men on the frontier do not have any idea what a real commitment to a woman means. And if they do, they avoid it. They are committed to grabbing all the gusto; all the gold, all the grass, and yes, all the girls... And believe me, if they loved you? They would never have brought you here! Miners and cowboys and gamblers are pretty much the same underneath- they are free spirits who will wear out your stamina as you try to accompany them. And they will steal your souls, if you let them. There are cattle rustlers and horse rustlers, and these men are soul rustlers. But please believe me when I say, God has much greater plans for you!
“What the devil will give you in a place like this, over time, is brok...en...ness, self-loathing, and a numbed soul just like what Mr. Hickok has just expressed. And as he slugs down that whiskey, you will be sipping laudanum. If you are not already. And I promise you, instead of those things you trade your bodies for, you will only receive a shortened life, a miserable existence, and one ending in suicide or an overdose. This is what we see very often for 'Sporting Women'.”
Finally a well-dressed “Sporting Woman” stood in their defense. “We don't have to listen this!” She blurted, as she pushed back her chair.
“I'll go to church if I want to hear preachin'...” Said an another indignant woman at the next table. It was Lottie Deno, sitting with Billy Bowlegs, who had been enjoying every word. He knew and admired the monk as much as Lottie hated him. He grabbed Lottie's arm as she too stood up, trying to hold her back, but she wrenched free. “LEAVE ME ALONE!” She screamed, and she hit him right across the face. “You must have known this was going to happen!”
She stormed out of the restaurant, but Billy did not follow her. The Reeds got up with her and also left. Then Squirrel Tooth Alice, and Timber, who wanted to stay but always followed Alice, trailed behind. But several young women stayed as if someone had popped their bubbles of delusion. They sat quietly, wiping away their tears and considering Swineberg's heartfelt, spontaneous sermon.
Pauline turned and hugged Alvin, grateful that they were not stuck in such a flesh grinder as Dodge had become. But she saw herself reflected in many ways in the message Father Swineberg had just given to Dodge's sporting crowd. She had come there foolishly hoping for a romantic miracle. Alvin had not invited her to Dodge, because he loved her and cared about her. She had become impatient, and wanted an adventure, and maybe even love, and she had to see Alvin, she thought, to assess her own love of him... to feel her heart leap when she saw his face, to feel that mysterious wholeness when they embraced... she had to know whether any of that was still in force. And she was not very happy about what her emotional gauges were telling her now. She began to tear up, knowing that she must return to Chicago, and perhaps try again under better circumstances. And she hoped that opportunity would present itself before she was an old woman.
Pauline began to feel more and more uncomfortable, like a princess in a leper colony, and excused herself as soon as she could without drawing attention to herself. The awkwardness of being one of the few persons in the room who understood and appreciated Father Swineberg's sermon, coupled with the icy stares of the more established doves in the background, made her itch for fresh air. She patted Alvin as she stood, and scanned the room for the easiest path through the crowded tables. Engrossed in the discussion, she was off before he even responded. But Pauline did not get very far, as she wound through the restless but respectful crowd.
When she got near the door she saw two young women comforting one another in a smoky corner. They had removed themselves from the crowd, right before a spontaneous catharsis unfolded, which was now in full force. Their faces glistened with tears as Pauline dug in her small beaded handbag for a hanky, and like women do, offered it to the one most affected. Words were not necessary. Father Swineberg had slayed both of them with what he said. “Thank you,” the stronger one whispered, as she held the other. Whatever effect the monk might have had on the others, his were painful observations, and stabbed their hearts as personal truth often can. Swineberg had described them and their private situations so well, now they had to put away their comforting rationales and consider the fork in the road which he had confidently presented. There was just one word which described what was swirling in their minds; repentance. Turning around and going back. But everything in their natures rejected the idea, no matter how much it made sense.
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